Avoiding Burnout

Dodging the Productivity Monsters

With summer solstice having just passed the days are long and full of opportunity. The sun begins to rise before 5 and sets after 9. With more than 16 hours of workable time, I have to be mindful not to overwork myself. For me, that’s a real struggle.

For perspective- after working 24 days, 12 hours per day, you must take 4 days off.

Ambitious Me

When I entered the working world at 17 I entered it with full force. I became ultra-driven, knowing that I wanted more. Of what, I wasn’t sure. Money? Experience? Success?

My first job after high school was night shift at Wal-Mart. Wanting more, I interviewed for a second job.
The woman interviewing me asked worriedly;
‘When will you sleep?’
I didn’t have an answer, nor did I see a reason for her obvious concern at the time.

Productivity, earning and improvement are crammed down our throats at every turn. Be more efficient, make more money, get fit.
Back then, I bought it. Hook, line, and sinker. I was a fish on the line at 21 years old as I drove around in my sportscar, with a fake tan, and paying a mortgage.

While working full time in my early 20’s I considered taking a part-time job. Though the bills were more than paid, I craved that feeling of achievement, of pushing for more all the time. When overtime became available I hit the maximum hours allowed in Alberta - multiple times.
After years of working as much as I possibly could, I learned the meaning of burnout.

2015 - the year I worked more than 17 months

Amy Toast

I was fine, until I wasn’t. Many people can relate. Burnout is a terrible feeling. More of a state or a condition. I was hopeless to do nothing. Even doing things I enjoyed was difficult. My drive had finally caught up with me. I tried to keep working, but simply couldn’t.

The productivity monsters had worn me down. Paralyzed by the grind, all I could do was sit and think.
My mortgage and car were paid off. I had no debt and money in the bank.
What did I want in life?
Where did I want to be?
WHO did I want to be?
I was having an existential crisis.

Crisis

Before burning out I did a couple of courses. One discussed the ‘deferred life plan’ and how we prioritize our lives - making money while we’re younger and waiting to do the fun things. That freaked me out. The thought of deferring my life for the sake of money made me see things differently. The other course was Permaculture Design, which brought to light some of the problems with commercial agriculture.

After some time and thought I figured me out. I had some realizations about my life, and how I wanted to spend my time and money. I wanted to understand the natural world around me, create my food and live by my own schedule. No more deferred life plan.
I quit my job, sold my condo and moved to B.C. Burning out in the oilsands brought me here, to this mountain.

Barn Burnout

Now, I live by my own schedule and answer only to myself, Curt and the animals. Still, on these long days I have to be careful not to revert to my old ways. When working for myself, just the decision-making process can be tiring.
Fun, but tiring.

Spring came early this year and Curt and I started building at full throttle. The barn became a priority before summer got into full swing. Between it, the greenhouse, and the usual challenges of life at a mile high - I got very close to burnout.

Exhausting myself for my own projects feels a lot more worthwhile than burning out for a company, but it had to stop. It was time to cease with heavy lifting and focus on small things. I built the milk stand slowly over three days, and automated my chicken doors.

That’s as far as I got with the interior paint.. for now

F-U to the Productivity Monsters

The barn and greenhouse need a lot of finishing touches. Trim here… paint there. Eventually, I’ll get to it but not now. Now is the time to revel in what’s already accomplished and have some fun. It’ll start to snow again in three months, after all.

I see projects and things yet to be done as little achievements. Like a big F-you to the productivity monsters. Though often unsightly and messy, unfinished work is an achievement in itself. A testament to prioritizing fun over burning out for some white paint.

Too often we’re sold and buy into hyper-productive, ultra-driven marketing that doesn’t make us happy. It’s good to remind ourselves that we’ve done enough and can sit back to enjoy the fruits of our labour, revelling in the potential that unfinished projects still hold.