My Panda Face

The Strange Case of Spotted Face

Years ago, I returned home with a glowy tan after a trip to Costa Rica. It was a short trip. Long enough to get a sunburn, short enough to hide in the shade only on the last day. I’ll never forget it for several reasons.

Costa Rica was like nowhere I’d ever been before. Iguanas and land crabs roamed the streets, mangos grew fresh, and on lunch break, the local kids went to the beaches to surf. It was sunny, and warm as we made the most of every day squeezing in as much fun and exploration as possible.

I returned to Fort McMurray with a nice tan but as the tan faded something odd happened. A sunglasses tan appeared, as though it had been hiding within my glowy complexion. Dark rings under my eyes were the first to appear and a little dark line above my upper lip.

I try not to care too much about things like spots and wrinkles. It’s not worth worrying about; I’d rather think about anything else. As the tan faded more, very dark patches remained. I’d had pimply skin as a teenager, but this splotchiness was uncharted territory.

After someone at work proclaimed - you got a sunglasses tan! I decided to google it.

The answer: Melasma

Since I prefer not to think about things like spots and wrinkles, I didn’t want to care. But I was starting to look weird. The pattern on my face, somewhere between an inverted panda and Rorschach art appeared to be a ‘condition’ called melasma. Typical for pregnant women, I didn’t fit the description of who usually gets it.

Why did I have these splotches? What could I do about it?

Hormones, makeup, and too much sun are said to be causes.
I’d worn a hat and sunglasses, and minimal makeup since I was in the ocean every day. Could hormones be to blame?

The Hormone Thing

When I learned of the array of procedures, medications, and makeup I could buy to make my splotchy face feel normal I nearly fell for it. I was mad at my own body for making these weird spots on my face.

Though I had weird spots, something else got under my skin more. Marketing tries to convince us our bodies are inherently defunct. For the sake of consumerism - If it’s something you’re not familiar with, give some thought to how many products are marketed and sold to ‘fix’ problems that aren’t problems at all. Makeup and skin creams, hair stuff, nails, medications, surgeries, garments. The list of things we need to fix ourselves is long. It’s something I think we’re all familiar with.

My Realization

Assuming there isn’t anything inherently wrong with my body, could the very things meant to ‘fix’ my face be what caused this? When I was a young adult I had a series of small but harsh treatments and creams. I wore makeup regularly and sunscreen on my face. What if that was the cause and not the solution.

Solving the Spots on My Own

For years I had a real fear that the sun would make me look weirder. I wore makeup, sunscreen and hats every time I went outside. I tried a few creams and supplements, but nothing changed my panda face. Sometimes makeup didn’t even cover it.
I dreamt of letting the sun hit my face once again.

The solution ended up being time. I’m sure I could have gone to the salon and had it burned off with acid or lasers, but that kind of abuse to the skin causes dark spots. I refused to let the same thing that likely caused it to become the solution and I refused to believe that off-balance hormones were the culprit.

After years of patience, and not much intervention the spots have subsided aside from some on my forehead.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

In my case, riding out this dermatological blip was the best call. I opted out of buying expensive and damaging creams and treatments. Believing that although most of what I’d read said my hormones were the enemy - trusting that my body had things under control.

Though I looked like a panda, I’m not a freak of nature. If I could go back I wouldn’t have done some of the harsh treatments that I did in my early 20s and will be sure to treat my body with patience from now on.